It has been my experience to see people around me having romantic relationships and always struggling with many things. Well, the fact is that relationships in general are not easy, and romantic ones are the most difficult of them all. I think a very common reason for these struggles is the lack of awareness on what we want in/from the relationship. The thing is, that depending on where you grow up, the culture there and what family has the privilege of receiving you into this world, chances are that you will have learned how to do relationships from there. What religion, if any, was practiced around you while you grew up? What did you witness of how people treat their partners? It’s usually our culture and our family that defines this.
So, chances are that when it comes to relationships, people will follow the example of their surroundings, this can be translated as there already being a framework on how to do relationships. And you use this same framework for your own relationships. But did you ever stop to consider if this framework really works for you? Have you considered what you want in a relationship regardless of the partner you have or the partner you may find? Don’t get me wrong, these frameworks are a good starting point and there’s value in them. I myself also went through the same thing. I used to do relationship the same way that everyone around me did it, and then at some point I started having more awareness and started questioning myself on how I wanted my relationships to be.
So what is a RAD? A RAD is a tool that will help you bring a lot of awareness to how you do relationships. It’s usually done between two people already in a relationship, but it can also be done by someone who is single and wants to have more clarity on what type of relationship they really want. It is a written document where you write statements and agreements regarding yourself and your relationship. At the end of the process of creating it you will have a completed document where it’s described how you go about your relationship. This document can change over time, and it should, because we as humans, change over time, so it should also make sense that by consequence our relationships will also change over time.
One thing I want to emphasise is that a RAD is a tool to increase awareness and deepen your connection and make your relationship stronger. The goal here is not to have a document of rules, to frame it and use it as a goal. The mission here is to get to know yourself and your partner better, and this happens while you’re making the document. You will have long talks on why you want something to be in it or why you don’t want something to be in it, or why you’re using one word as opposed to another word that is similar but not exactly the same. All these conversations and questions will challenge you and will make it so you go deeper into yourself and into each other. I know, because I’ve done this myself with my partner. The sentence “It’s about the journey, not the destination” could not be more true in this case.
For over 5 years I have had experience with RADs, both for my own and for others. No two RADs are the same, because no two relationships are the same. We all have our own little differences (sometimes not so little), wishes, desires, traumas, goals, fears, triggers, dreams, and so many other things that we can differ on. Not even mentioning stages of life. It’s a confronting but very rewarding process.
To help people with this, I’ve created a RAD template. This document is supposed to be used as an example of what it can be, what can be put in it. I have spent some effort in making it in such a way that it is not a guide on how to do relationships, but a helping hand on how to write the document itself. I have shared this document with many people and the people that give feedback have always been grateful for having it.
You can find the templates in the following links: English and Spanish.